“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” — Proverbs 12:4
This passage describe a two character of a wife. One who brings honor and one who brings shame. But when we take a closer look at the original Hebrew meaning of the word “excellent,” we discover something really interesting about how God describes a wife as “excellent”. The Hebrew word used here is ḥayil (חַיִל), a word that carries the meanings of strength, might, efficiency, wealth, and army. Interestingly, ḥayil is a masculine term often used in Scripture to describe warriors, armies, and men of great wealth.
For instance, Gideon is called a “mighty man of valor” (ḥayil, Judges 6:12), and the same word is used to describe Pharaoh’s armies or forces in Exodus 14:9. It even refers to Boaz, who is described as a man of great wealth (ḥayil, Ruth 2:1). King David also uses the word ḥayil to describe power in 2 Samuel 22:33. Now we see that an excellent wife is described with the same word “ḥayil” meaning she is valiant, strong like an army, and full of wealth and power. She is the crown of her husband.
This is very different from how society often defines a “virtuous woman.” In many cultures, a virtuous woman is expected to be weak, overly submissive, quiet, and without a voice or the right to question. But the Bible gives a very different picture. This kind of woman is strong, capable, and wise. She is described as a crown. And what does a crown symbolize? A crown represents honor, power, and authority. Her character lifts her husband up, just as a crown magnifies the stature of a king.
Are you also aware of another powerful Hebrew word — ʿēzer (עֵזֶר) — used in Genesis 2:18 when God says, “I will make a helper suitable for him”? Unfortunately, the English word “helper” often sounds subservient, as though Eve was created simply to assist Adam like an assistant or servant. But ʿēzer is actually a military term, used throughout the Old Testament to describe God Himself as the defender and rescuer of His people. For example, Moses said that God is our help (ʿēzer), and Psalm 33:20 declares, “O God, You are my help (ʿēzer).” Far from implying weakness, ʿēzer carries the meaning of a strong ally, a warrior, helper, someone who protects, supports, and stands alongside, even to the point of self-sacrifice.
Let me give you an example from the Bible of women who stood beside their husbands. One of my favorites in Women in the Bible “Noah’s Wife”. She wasn’t given any lines in Scripture, but her faith and actions spoke louder than words. Imagine standing beside your husband, assigned by God to build an ark because a flood was coming at a time when there had never been rain on the earth! Building this enormous ark took almost a hundred years. If you are a wife, you know that when your husband receives an assignment from the Lord, it isn’t always easy. There will be confusion, doubt, and opposition. Yet during Noah’s time, when no one had ever seen rain, his wife strengthened her husband and faithfully worked beside him. She was strong like an army, unwavering, determined, and steadfast. Just like a woman of valor. When Scripture mentions her as Noah’s wife, it doesn’t diminish her; it honors her. When God joins a husband and wife, He no longer sees them as two but as one. When Noah was praised, she was praised. His accomplishments were her accomplishments. Remember, when Adam failed, Eve was part of that story and when righteous men succeeded, their wives were often part of that victory.
Now, let’s turn to the New Testament. Another example is Priscilla, the wife of Aquila. The Apostle Paul often praised Priscilla, even mentioning her name before her husband’s. That tells us how active and dedicated she was in serving the Lord. Priscilla and Aquila worked together in ministry and even had a church in their home. Have you ever wondered, if Priscilla had not been so active and faithful, would Aquila have become the great man of God and servant of God that he was? Her character, perseverance, and willingness to assist her husband in fulfilling God’s calling made her a true crown to him. Her strength, wisdom, and devotion were so evident that Paul himself recognized the honor and power of her life.
So do you really think God would create a woman to help a man rule and take care of the entire earth who was weak and unable to stand beside her husband in such a great task? Would He design her to be illiterate and confined only to household duties while her husband sacrifices his life to fulfill God’s calling? Of course not! That image of womanhood is what the world expects but it is not what God designed.
How can you ask God for a wife who is virtuous or excellent, a woman who will be your crown, if you haven’t renewed your mindset about God’s true design for women, instead of what the world has taught? After the fall, we entered a spiritual battle and the fight continues today. In a battle, a warrior needs someone strong and capable standing beside them, not someone weak and fearful. God created woman to be an ʿēzer a warrior helper. As a warrior, she must be steadfast, and courageous, standing side by side with her husband in the fight of faith. The battle is fierce, but she was created for it.
If we desire to be virtuous and excellent women, we must understand that these two words describe a woman’s character. This kind of character is not something we are naturally born with. A virtuous woman is not self-made. She is shaped by God’s hand and molded through His Word and His Spirit. So how can we develop this kind of character? We must first seek God and spend time in His Word. It is God who teaches, corrects, and guides us to become women of godly character. As the Scripture says, “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14).
Now we can understand that an excellent wife is trained by God and is truly a gift from Him.
Unfortunately, not all wives are excellent or virtuous. The passage continues, “But she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones”. This kind of wife becomes to her husband like a cancer in his bones, causing deep pain and weariness from within. A woman without godly wisdom or self-control brings ridicule upon herself and sorrow upon her husband. Just as decaying bones bring constant agony, so a wife with corrupt or careless character brings distress and dishonor to her home.
A foolish woman who brings shame has never allowed the Lord to shape her character. She follows her own desires and emotions instead of submitting to God’s will. Her self becomes her lord.
We also see examples in Scripture of women who brought shame and destruction because they turned away from God and His guidance. Shame first appeared in the Garden of Eden when Eve and Adam transgressed against the Lord. The Scripture says, “And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked” (Genesis 3:7). Their disobedience brought shame, just as a woman today who continues in wrongdoing toward her husband brings shame instead of honor.
Sarah also felt shame when she realized she had acted in unbelief by giving Hagar to Abraham, trying to fulfill God’s promise in her own way (Genesis 16:2–5). Yet even then, God sought her out. Remember when the Lord asked Abraham, “Where is Sarah thy wife?” (Genesis 18:9). Just as He sought Adam in the garden, God’s question revealed His mercy and desire to restore.
Delilah brought shame, destruction, and sorrow into Samson’s life when she betrayed him for silver. The Scripture says, “And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him” (Judges 16:19).
Job’s wife spoke foolishly in a time of sorrow, saying to her husband, “Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die” (Job 2:9). Imagine the weight of her words. Job was already in deep grief and pain, yet instead of offering comfort, she added to his sorrow. She became as “rottenness in his bones.” In that moment, a husband might feel regret and ask himself, “Why did I not choose a woman who understands God’s character, His sovereignty, and His purpose? a woman who truly loves the Lord?”
Jezebel, the wife of Ahab, also led her husband into great wickedness. Scripture says, “But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up” (1 Kings 21:25,). She murdered the prophets of God, seized Naboth’s vineyard through deceit, and even caused the prophet Elijah to flee in fear. Jezebel became a snare to Ahab. She not only encouraged him to commit evil but also turned his heart away from the God of Israel, the one true and living God. Her life stands as a warning of how a woman without the fear of the Lord can bring destruction not only upon herself but also upon her husband and household.
This passage reveals that choosing the wrong woman can make a man’s life miserable, destroy his reputation, and even bring him to ruin. Solomon himself experienced this and wrote, “And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her” (Ecclesiastes 7:26, KJV). A seductive or ungodly woman is like a trap, she draws a man away from God’s purpose and leads him into bondage.
What do we learn from these two types of wives, and what are we called to do? For every man and woman, it is very important to have an intimate relationship with Jesus first before entering into marriage. But if you are already married and find yourself here, searching the Scriptures and desiring to be transformed by God, know this, it is never too late.
All of us, whether man or woman, have areas in our character that need change, that’s why we all need Jesus. We must continue to walk closely with the LORD Jesus, because while we walk with Him, He slowly transforms us from within. He heals our past traumas and wounds and removes all the junk that has built up in our hearts like unforgiveness, bitterness, and pride. Through His Spirit, He teaches us to understand His will and purpose for our lives.
In time, as a woman allows God to refine her, she becomes ready for the man God has prepared for her. A woman who can truly become a crown to her husband instead of a cancer that destroys him. Everything we have learned and discussed about being women of strength and courage should lead us to use that character to help, serve, and assist our husbands. Our role is to stand beside them like a warrior in battle, offering strength and support, but not to take the lead. The same is true for men. Before God entrusts a woman to him, He must first heal, prepare, and align that man with His purpose. God designed us to complement, not compete; to help fulfill His purpose together, side by side.
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