Proverbs 18:22

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” — Proverbs 18:22

The book of Proverbs is filled with God’s wisdom. Wisdom that helps us navigate life, make sound decisions, and walk in a way that benefits us today and prospers our future. 

Before we focus on the phrase “he who finds,” let’s pause and understand first what “a wife” truly means.

The first mention of the word wife in the Bible appears in Genesis 2:22:

“Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”

Here, God Himself created the first wife. He took a rib from Adam and made Eve, a woman designed specifically for Adam. The Hebrew word for wife is ish-shah, the feminine form of ish, meaning man or husband. In Greek, the word for wife is gyne, from the root ginomai, which means “to come into being” or “to bring forth.” It is the same root word for gynecology, the study of women.

From the very beginning, God created a woman with divine purpose. The very purpose of a woman is to be a man’s helper in fulfilling God’s work.

“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” – Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭

God knew that the task He had given Adam could not be completed alone. Adam needed a helper, to help him to accomplished the assignment. The word helper is not a lesser title. It describes function, not identity. God Himself is called our Helper many times in Scripture.

Now, Apostle Paul and Apostle Peter becomes more specific about the role of a wife “helper” in their letters, they clearly explains how a godly woman should live and what her relationship with her husband should look like in the Lord.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Ephesians‬ ‭5:22-24‬ ‭

“that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” – ‭‭Titus‬ ‭2:4-5‬

“Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” ‭‭I Timothy‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” I Peter‬ ‭3:1-4‬ ‭

All the qualities that Paul and Peter mention in their letters should be what a man looks for in a woman. A woman who loves Jesus and is fully submitted to God already has the qualities of a wife before she is found. It is God who transforms her to become one, just as God created Eve before Adam even realized his need.

God already knows the woman He is preparing for a man. She doesn’t suddenly become a wife after the wedding. She is already walking in that identity, because Jesus is her identity. She knows she was created with a purpose, to help her husband accomplish God’s will for their lives together. She understands that submission is not weakness or control, but God’s protection over her. She loves managing her household, knowing that her home is God’s house and must be cared for with love and excellence. She will bear children and raise them to know that they are part of God’s plan, to expand His kingdom on earth. She understands that her children are called to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. She will not gossip or speak reproachfully about her family or anyone else, because she has been taught by Jesus that there is power in her tongue, the power of life and death. She chooses to speak life, not only to her family but to everyone around her.

Now, we are ready to focus to the “he who finds,” The Hebrew word for “finds” in this verse is masa, which means not just to find but also to obtain. The word means more than just stumbling upon something. The idea of finding here means that someone is searching for something.

“So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” Genesis‬ ‭2:20‬

Before Adam searched for a wife, he was already working, naming the animals, and walking in obedience to God in the Garden of Eden. Adam already knew his identity and had a clear understanding of his purpose, and that is why satan could not deceive him. Adam could not be deceived because he had an intimate fellowship with God.

Before God gave a wife to Adam, He first taught him how to till and tend the Garden of Eden. God taught him the work that he needed to do. God made sure that Adam would not search for a wife out of loneliness or desperation, but because he needed help to fulfill God’s calling over his life. The same principle applies to us. Before you go out to look for a wife, you must first set yourself apart in the wilderness and seek the presence of God.

Now that iniquity abounds and we are living in a chaotic and broken culture, many people carry trauma, pain, and deep wounds that need healing, restoration, and a renewed sense of purpose. All of this can only be found in Jesus.

Imagine bringing all that brokenness into marriage. What do you think will happen? Disaster. It could lead to a painful and terrifying marriage. That is why you must first have an intimate fellowship with Jesus. Let Him heal you, transform your life, and reveal His calling over you.

When you know who you are and what God has called you to do, you’ll recognize the woman who is meant to walk beside you.

Our messy culture today is always centered on self-driven desires, even when it comes to marriage. We are the ones who decide who we want to be with, instead of turning to God and asking Him to prepare the woman who will become our wife.

Because everything in the world is now so confused and corrupted, sex before marriage, “try before buying,” and relationships built only on pleasure. We have lost the true meaning of the union between a man and a woman. Marriage is not just about two people choosing each other; it is about God joining two lives together for His purpose. Isn’t it Jesus Himself who said, “What God has joined together…?(Matthew 19:6). That is why before you take that step, it is so important to be led by God to the woman He has appointed for you.

I encourage you to study the story of Rebekah and Isaac. Their marriage are arranged by God through faith, prayer, and obedience.

Before you search for a wife, love Jesus and live for Him alone.

To understand “finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord,” to make this simple, think about this, How do you feel when you find a godly woman who is exactly what you prayed for, one who fits your needs, and both of you know your purpose? When both of you have been healed and transformed by Jesus. isn’t that a good thing?

Now that both of you are ready to work together and are willing to yield to God’s calling over your lives, you begin to become one instead of two. And anyone who walks with God will surely find favor.